People do some weird things overseas, which is why I
wrote
a post about it some time ago. Things like sticking your
entire family on a scooter, or taking your goat on the bus. Or eating chips
with mayo.
But it occurs to me that for foreigners coming to Australia
for the first time, it would seem like we do some pretty strange stuff here as
well.
So in the interests of fairness, and with a lot of help from
a band of expat friends of mine, I've compiled this list of the bizarre things
that Australians get up to.
Shortening all words
Whatevs, it's not like we shorten everything. Except
sunnies. And boardies. And footy. And snags. And chucking a uey. And calling
Barry, Baz. And Sharon, Shaz. And Robert, Robbo. I even travelled with a girl
who referred to her binoculars as "binos".
"Bring a plate"
When my mum first arrived in Australia she was invited to a
friend's barbecue and told to "bring a plate". So she brought a
plate. An empty plate. She was a little embarrassed to find that everyone else
had brought some food on theirs.
BYO
It's great when foreigners first realise this: "You can
take your own wine to a restaurant? Geez, can you take your own beer to the
pub?"
Watching the footy
Because there's no such thing as just "footy".
There are four sports here that could qualify as "footy", and you can
never be quite sure which one people are talking about. Still, you gotta love
the footy.
Buying a beer
What the hell is a "pony"? And who came up with
"schooner"? And why do "handles" not have actual handles?
And in which other country is it normal to order a "pot of gold"?
South Australia takes the grand prize for weirdness though, with a glass called
a "pint" that doesn't hold a full pint.
Taking a day off for the Queen's birthday
I'm not arguing about it or anything, but it's not even on
the Queen's actual birthday. And the Brits don't celebrate it, so why do we?
Having a bank robber as a national icon
Ned Kelly was no Robin Hood, was he? No altruistic man of
the people. He just shot some cops and wore a bucket on his head. And we revere
this guy? (OK, I know there's a lot more to this story, but from a foreigner's
perspective, it's pretty odd.)
Dressing really fancy for the races...
Then getting absolutely obliterated. There's nothing more
Australian than seeing a smartly dressed couple stumble out of the races, her
with high heels in hand, him with a tie around his head, and start drunkenly screaming
at taxis going past.
"How's it going?"
This has to be up there with the American "what's
up" as the most nonsensical greeting around. How's what going? I remember
a few exchange students at uni talking about this, saying, "It took me a
while to realise that Australians don't actually want to know how you are
going. They just want you to say 'good'."
Complaining about the rain in London
Somewhat stunningly, a mate of mine pointed out that Sydney
gets more rain each year than London. Ouch.
Having celebrity TV shows that don't feature any
celebrities
Australia's pool of actual, legitimate celebrities is
frighteningly shallow, but that doesn't stop the networks from pumping out
"celebrity" versions of their reality shows featuring people you've
never heard of. We have chefs dancing on primetime TV. It's embarrassing.
Eating seafood on Christmas Day
I'm all for a few prawns and bugs on the 25th of December,
but if you're from the Northern Hemisphere and were expecting a turkey roast,
it might seem a little bizarre.
Worshipping meat pies
It's pastry filled with bits of meat, and slathered in
tomato sauce. Not exactly a gastronomic masterpiece, but that doesn't stop us
getting all excited about eating a lukewarm one at the footy.
Worshipping swimmers
Just between you and me, swimming's not really a sport, is
it? It's a pastime; a survival technique. But anyone who wins gold medals over
here is a big deal. Heck, we even treat walking as a real sport once every four
years.
Playing the pokies
Surely the dreariest, most antisocial form of gambling there
is, and yet Aussies are mad for it. We flock to pubs and clubs around the
country to pour money into the gaping mouths of these flashing, dinging
monsters. Sigh.
Travelling... Elsewhere
Australians love to travel, right? Well sure, as long as
it's not in Australia. No, we can't tell you what WA is like, and we haven't
been to Adelaide. But what do you want to know about Bali?
Rugging up for winter
Northern Hemisphere folk think it's hilarious, just as we
have a chuckle when everyone strips down to their bikinis in England when the
temperature nudges 20. In Australia, a brief dip into the teens will mean the
scarves and coats are out for the next few months.
Wearing our thongs on our feet
This is for the Americans, who always look a little confused
when you ask them if they've seen our thongs. Or, do you think I should wear
thongs today? Sounds a little inappropriate... but at least it's not as dumb as
jandals.
